That’s always going to be more difficult for your ex than if you continue talking regularly and slowly go your separate ways. They don’t have time to slowly let go of you… by shutting down all communication with your ex after breaking up, they’re forced to suddenly face the reality of life without you around. If you suddenly and completely disappear from your ex’s life, you’re making the breakup as painful and visceral as possible for your ex.
The No Contact strategy is *exactly* the same. Having something of value taken away from you all of a sudden, without warning or any time to get used to it, is going to be far more difficult and painful than if you can slowly wean yourself off of it. Obviously, it’s going to be a lot easier to become accustomed to life without your phone if you have time to slowly learn to live without it. Which of those two situations do you think is going to be more difficult and painful for you? Losing your phone forever, right now… or slowly losing your phone over a period of a few weeks, where each day you get to use it a bit less than the previous day? Pretty cool, right? Click here to take the quiz and begin the process of winning your ex back… or moving on. Gone.Įx Back Quiz: I’ve created a quiz that will give you real time results on your chances of winning back your ex. Now, compare that to another scenario, where I demand that you permanently give up your phone for good, starting right now. A few weeks from now, I finally take your phone away forever. The day after that, I take it for 3 hours, and so on. But tomorrow, I’m taking your phone away for two hours.
Imagine I tell you that you need to hand over your phone to me for 1 hour today. We’ve all become used to having a smartphone in our pocket at all times, right? Your cell phone is maybe the best example. Imagine, for a minute, losing something that you’ve become accustomed to having in your life. The No Contact strategy is designed specifically to “shock” your ex into learning what life is like when you’re suddenly completely gone from their life. It makes the breakup as difficult as possible for your ex.Īlright, now we’re getting into the real psychology here. No Contact can also give you a better perspective on things - I’ve had a number of clients that, after 30 days of radio silence, have decided their ex isn’t actually worth pursuing and that they’d be better off moving on.Įssentially, to sum it up, No Contact puts you in a much better headspace where you can think more clearly and be less influenced by your emotions. After a month of ignoring your ex, you’ll be in a much better place psychologically, and a lot less likely to get angry or break down in tears when you actually do begin speaking to your ex again. It gives you time to cool down and get some perspective.Īlong similar lines to what I just talked about, another benefit to going silent after a breakup is that it gives you time to get a handle on your own emotions. Ignoring your ex is a simple and effective way to ensure that you don’t make that same mistake. Simply put, most people let their emotions get the best of them in the immediate aftermath of a breakup, and end up doing something stupid - like begging and pleading with their ex, lashing out in anger, being too clingy and needy, etc. In my 12 years as a breakup coach, I’ve seen hundreds if not thousands of clients blow their chance at getting back together simply because they did or said something dumb. Most people are very, very emotional after a breakup. The sooner you can do this after breaking up, the better.Ī lot of people are understandably skeptical about the effectiveness of this strategy, because at first it sounds somewhat counterintuitive - how can you get your ex back if you just completely ignore them? 1. No Contact means exactly what it sounds like: no phone calls, no text messages, no late night booty calls, and so on. Basically, if you want to get a second chance with your ex, then one of the first things you need to do is apply a period of No Contact–essentially, you want to ignore your ex for at least 30 days. Let’s talk about ignoring your ex and why this helps you get them back.īefore we dive into the psychology of ignoring your ex, and why it works, let me quickly explain what my No Contact strategy involves. Silence is a key part of the No Contact Strategy. You can get your ex back without saying anything at all.